Wow-it’s been awhile! I guess that means that while we always have “things” our things haven’t been too bad of late! I have been back from my mission trip for 6 weeks and Todd and Tommi made it through that week just swimmingly. No fighting, no big anxieties…just bonding and working together. After tonight’s Mission Fest at WRCC, they’re gonna have to get ready for my next venture into the mission field. It’s a calling that’s awakened in me-sharing the good news of Jesus with others and serving those who are less fortunate than myself around the world. I have lots of mission trips on my bucket list now-Belize, Tanzania, Kenya…but my next one will be with Jackson in the Summer of 2025.

Tommi is well into his Sophomore year of high school now, and Jackson is flying through Senior Year at Purdue. My practice is doing really well- we’re growing and I love being Meridian Audiology LLC with Ali. Todd is hanging in there at Tom Wood Subaru. He’d love to do something less stressful, and we’d love for him to also, but now’s not the time for that.

Tommi went through a real depressive episode in early October and he’s obsessively clingy to me right now. He has agreed to and started with individual therapy with Brad again. He stopped working with Brad when Brad moved back to Ohio and therapy went viral. Tommi just couldn’t give with Brad the same in the virtual space. Maybe as a result of online school, Tommi now has the ability to work in the virtual space and will even be fully on camera with him which is important for Brad so he can see/read body language and facial expressions. So every other week for they meet and Tommi is really doing well. Therapy is hard (even with Brad) and it takes a lot of energy, but he’s doing it and they’re already hitting some home runs. I think at least once a session I hear Brad yell “BOOYAH!”. Tommi is worried that someday he may not have anything to talk about with Brad. Ha! I assured him he will ALWAYS have something to talk about. So we sat together last week and made a list in his therapy notebook of things Tommi can talk about with Brad. They are doing this really cool form of therapy where Brad has Tommi ask his different parts questions by writing down a question in one color and answering that question in another color….its called automatic or free association writing…and it’s incredible how well it works for them. My prayer is that Tommi finds a trust and ability to talk about the HARD topics with Brad, that Brad can become a completely safe space for Tommi and that Tommi will find a way within himself to do therapy without me sitting there with him. He has so much “anxious and heavy stuff” that lives in his mind and I know Brad can help him with it. But it will take time…

School is hard right now. Despite the fact that Tommi was just inducted into the National Honor Society, and his grades are stellar, he’s struggling logging on and doing his coursework. It’s so hard for this type A mom to sit back and let him fall behind.

And for reasons he cannot put words to, he’s started really pulling again. He currently has a really large bald spot at the back of his head that’s growing larger by the day. We’ve been changing meds with his new psychiatrist to try and find a good mix for anxiety, depression, focus and trich. I don’t know if it’s a meds mix, stress, or a type of stim, but he can’t seem to stop. It makes me anxious when he pulls, which I’m not good at hiding and that puts more pressure or stress on Tommi. He apologizes to me for pulling…he apologizes. That makes me feel terrible. I’ve got to find a way to not let him know it makes me so angsty. This weekend he told me he doesn’t want to pull, he just can’t stop. He said he’s afraid he’s never gonna stop pulling-it’s been 5 years since he started and he just can’t figure it out. He’s been so happy with his long (again) hair, and it just breaks my heart. It takes months to grow it out, but mere seconds to rip it out. I need to give it to God, let God fight that battle. Prayers on this would be appreciated. Trich stinks

He’s also pacing like crazy. Another anxious habit that he’s always done since he was little. Some days are worse than others. I don’t handle the pacing well either. Especially if he’s wearing flip flops when the sound makes it even more obvious to me that he is pacing. How dumb and trivial is that? My kid is pacing because his mind won’t let him stop and I’m worried about the flip flop sound. Another challenge to put into Gods hands.

The good news in all of this is that Tommi is overall happy, more helpful at home than before my mission trip, trying to write a novel and able to voice when he’s overwhelmed or needs to be home for his peace of mind. He’s also let some of my Mission trip friends into his circle really quickly, meeting and talking with them first visit! He even unsolicited, talked with someone new to both of us at the WRCC Mission Fest last night! I had to lift my chin up off the floor! That’s all great progress.