Tommi started his Sophomore year of HS today, with Indiana Connections Career Academy. He transferred to the Career Academy so that as a Jr and Sr, Tommi can spend 1/2 the day in the online classroom and 1/2 the day in a Career Academy setting working in the Culinary Arts. His plan is to attend Ivy Tech post high school to study Culinary Arts, and then take his passion into the work force. He has ideas, and visions of his future that include baking in his own space.

We talked about Tommi’s current schooling and his future visions with Brad recently in therapy. We also talked about his having no desire to learn to drive (which is both ok and heartbreaking to me) as well as how I’d love for him to be in an in person setting.

As I often do, I relistened to our session and made lots of notes…sometimes writing things down word for word that I really want to remember… that I need to remind myself.

I’m glad that Brad knew the Tommi of 4 years ago. The Tommi who was not confident, who was young and mean; who never wanted to leave my house and who thought having a job was not for him unless it was being a dancing princess veterinarian. The Tommi who never cleaned up, who never thought out of the box.

Because Brad knew that Tommi, he can and does frequently point out to me the ways in which Tommi has grown…

I put part of our session below. For me, for Todd, for Tommi, for any of you who might relate

B: Yeah!  You’re doing it with his business.  He envisioned that idea of owning a business and selling his goods and you said “Let’s do it” And he’s gotten there.

K: That was easy for me to support. Ok – let’s create a business for you and we found out how and we did it.

B: Yeah you did, and now this idea of driving a car, starting a business, owning a house…those are steps into the future. But if you can help him see that “hey – you have this idea about yourself – let’s look at this in reverse to determine how you’re gonna get there, What’s the path we have to go down to get to that 10yr vision… owning a bakery…him driving, or home owning/apartment renting. We have to get Tommi to see that Today…getting your math homework done, will lead to next year where you get to add JEL to your schooling, and then that leads to graduation and that leads to culinary school, which leads to your vision.

If you can tap into anything that’s motivating for Tommi, an idea he has for himself that is motivating – an idea that he has for himself that is building himself as independent, self-sufficient…his baked goods, or driving, or owning a home…anything…IGNITE THE SHIT OUT OF THAT THING. As soon as he attaches to an idea of himself in a healthy state in the future, we’re gonna get a path of how to get there. So driving might not be motivating now, but if it gets him to this other thing that IS motivating then BINGO

Does he talk about being an entrepreneur?

K: Yes

B:Great – that’s a separate broad idea than just owning a bakery! A car could help him take a bakery idea to a completely different audience

K: He knows what he’s doing his JR and SR year of HS; and then IvyTech for culinary school and then he wants to open his own business. 

B: ok! So I encourage you throw on shows (like “the bear”) that show the nitty-gritty life of starting up a new business; those may be real life scenarios in Tommi’s future that could help promote more ideas and thoughts for his future! It’s these people figuring out math, and English and day to day crap, and cars breaking down and powering through all of that to get to their dream. Think how we can use this information to be rewarding and encouraging to the future Tommi…

If he can imagine where he’ll be in 10 years, we can then go backward and figure out a path to get from today to there. We want to focus on those future Tommi plans…throwing gasoline on that future Tommi; he’s given you a lot of avenues he’s looking at

Remember…BOTH/AND

You have to do the shitty day to day trenches of consequencing when he doesn’t meet an expectation related to school

But

Then you can also say Tonight, let’s watch this show on baking geniuses and entrepreneurs that will maybe give you some ideas on how they got to their dreams

Tommi is starting to visualize his future

It’s so much more than just baked goods

He’s starting to see himself as a self-sufficient, competent person

K:And he is!  The other day he was baking, and didn’t have sour cream and he substituted mayonnaise

And it was amazing to me that he knew that – I even said “how did you know that?”

B: And that’s exactly the way people start to think when they feel secure in something. Let’s say he feels secure in being an entrepreneur in the baked goods realm…that becomes security…and that security becomes a platform for growth.

A car and drivers license is gonna be like that mayonnaise….I don’t have a driver’s license, what can I substitute that with. OR, I have to find a way to get to the thing I love and I’m good at and that makes me money; whether that’s studying and taking a drivers exam and doing it that way…or whether it’s “mayonnaise” and he finds another way to make that happen. It’s more about the thing that’s motivating than it is the contextual thing of owning a car.

Tommi is doing way more than baked goods

He’s envisioning himself as a self-sufficient adult.

GASOLINE THE HELL OUT OF THAT FIRE

As well as things like moving out, expanding his business, 

His 10yr vision…water those seeds! And then relate it back to what about today…do you see that finishing that math or science assignment in HS today will help you move you toward that vision?

Let’s get you there. Dad and I want to help get you there.

Courses this year could represent any unknown thing that comes your way that you have to learn to succeed….how did you learn the mayonnaise and sour cream? Well, Algebra is mayonnaise…you just have to learn it to get you one step closer to your vision

As you guys work out the school schedule, give him autonomy, talk about consequences/rewards/schedules…and relate everything back to his 10yr vision. It’s all inter-connected…and once he sees that, the motivation happens!

Culinary school is a 2 yr idea

Owning his own business is a 4-5 year idea

And from that point it’s just fine tuning and advertising and finding his niche. And those are things, Kira, that you excel at! You do those things everyday! You can help Tommi with that part !

Go out there and let Tommi know that you believe in him. Let him know that I believe in him. I’m so fucking proud of him and where his mind is. I see such amazing growth in him and I’m so excited to be right by his side as he comes into his vision.

And don’t forget to tell him that I think his secret cinnamon cream puff filling is in his future!

I wish we all had a Brad. Someone who believed in us no matter what. Someone who was our champion. Someone who looks at the situation and finds your growth potential. Someone who reminds you that YES YOU CAN. The world would be a nicer place if we all had a Brad.