Brad has a therapy technique that includes identifying the part of you that is suffering or angry or confused or any other host of emotions and painting a verbal picture of that part. He asks me to pull it outside of myself so we can examine it together. Identify its feelings, it’s body language, what it needs. It’s not easy, but he guides me through it or holds space for me to find it and then share it. And for me, because of my faith, he will often ask me to sit with that part of me and see Jesus sitting there with us.

He will ask what does Jesus see? What does his face look like? What are his hands doing? How does he feel toward this part of you? What is his reaction? What do you think he will say to you? What do you need from Jesus in this moment?

Brad has done this exercise several times with me and while it’s difficult each time, it’s also incredibly powerful for me. It helps me see that I’m hard on myself, or scared or feel trapped, but Jesus loves me through it all and he wants to give me compassion, strength, rest. And maybe just maybe give myself some grace.

Last night, Todd experienced this during our session. As I listened and watched, I could see the struggle, and then the peace Jesus placed in his heart through Brad’s lead. It’s amazing to experience. Maybe more amazing to witness. (Even when Todd and Brad both agreed Jesus may have been a curser! No way guys, just no 😂)

If Jesus were sitting beside me this morning, He would see a woman who has set a boundary and found a bit of peace in an old, tenuous relationship; a wife who knows she is not easy to live with but who is learning to lean on her husband in a way that she hasn’t in 20yrs; a friend who loves her people so fiercely; a business owner who is happier in her professional life than she has been in a very long time; a mama bear who is learning to sit back and watch her cubs explore their world in their own ways…knowing she has done her job well with the help of Jesus, Todd and an amazing therapist; and a daughter of God who knows that Jesus is there whenever I need him. I simply have to ask.

I’ve been carrying some new concerns about Tommi recently both of which he brought to me himself looking for help. And instead of trying to find options and peace on my own, I reached out to two men God has placed in my life. When He gives you good resources, you’re a fool not to use them.

I reached out to the lead pastor at WRCC to discuss Tommi’s religious concerns. As an autistic person, belief in God is possibly more difficult than it is for a neurotypical person. Think about it, most autistics are very black and white thinkers. And God is anything but concrete. Tommi can’t see, touch, or hear God, so how can he believe that God truly exists? And he is uncomfortable with the thought that God has control of his life. That God has already written Tommis story. So Tommi has decided that he will acknowledge that God might exist, and that Jesus lived, but he won’t believe that God has any influence over his life. And he will put no faith in Him.

Lance and I discussed Tommi in terms of being adopted, being transgender, being autistic and being agnostic.

He challenged me to do a few things like sharing with Tommi what I’m reading in the Bible. Inviting Tommi to church every Saturday evening so we’re not asking him to go when he’s comfy in bed on Sunday morning. Asking him questions that are not one-word answers. Inviting him to watch The Chosen with me. Asking him what he got out of watching each episode…
He wants me to chat with the special-needs pastor to see if there’s anything he can do to kind of draw Tommi in so that when Tommi does go to church with us, he feels welcome.
He reminded me that Tommi functions more as a 12 to 13 year old biologic girl with girl hormones and girl body things happening, and Tommi‘s right where he should be emotionally and physically. Especially for an autistic person. He made me feel like Tommi was not abnormal in ways that I think of Tommi being abnormal, he told me that in the student ministry there are a lot of kids who profess different sexualities, and some that truly are those sexualities and most that actually aren’t. And he told me that they are all welcome at WRCC. And that he tells the kids who want to be called by a different name that he will respect them and call them by a different name, but that they have to respect him and have one conversation with him about God and the Bible and sexuality
He also told me that I am upholding my baptismal promises to God for Tommi because I pray for Tommi, I share my faith with Tommi and I praise Jesus in front of Tommi. That living my faith is what God wants me to do for my kids. It’s not all about just taking them to the physical church. That it’s much more than that in actuality.
My heart felt much lighter after our conversation.

Today I talked with Brad over another concern Tommi laid in my lap recently. Again, using the people God has placed in my life for a certain purpose.

We talked through the issue and the questions I need to ask. We talked about a plan and boundaries depending on the answers I get. He gave me the tools I was gonna need when I couldn’t even really wrap my head around what we were discussing. He made sure I could ask the questions and knew how to take the answers to form our plan. He made sure I was comfortable with the process and then he turned his focus to my psyche and how he could help me.

He reminded me that Im not taking respite for myself and I have to take care of myself. That Tommi, Todd, Jackson, the practice, they all need me to be healthy and strong and I can’t be that without rest. He instructed me to find some “sweet, solo, quiet, independent respite time” not just “going to the bathroom to sit on the floor for 2 minutes while the dogs and family wait outside the door” I promised to find it, he promised he’d follow up on my promise.

He challenged me to think of the journeys Tommi takes me on, his spirituality, sexuality, gender journeys, as an opportunity, not a curse. That by being on these journeys I have the opportunity to know Tommi in a deeper way, I could view it as an honor, and that I can have some insight and some influence on these key constructs that will shape Tommis entire identity. That’s a positive, beautiful way to shape these paths we are traveling.

In the end, Brad gave me the following thoughts to digest:

“Now I just need to know that you know that you can do this: know it, believe it, do it!

You are capable of saying no

You are capable of leaning on others you trust

You are capable Of hurting others feelings if needed and repairing later

You are capable of prioritizing yourself in a healthy way

You are capable of leaning on God

You are capable of leaning on your trusted resources

You are capable of navigating this as you have all other paths laid before you.”

I know what to do and I will do it. Thanks, Brad! Thanks, God, for the amazing people you place in my life. I am blessed…