You all know how much I love our therapist. There’s a trust and safety there that I didn’t even know I needed until we found him. He doesn’t judge, he doesn’t condemn…he looks at my life as an individual, as a wife and as a mom in a different way and leads me in safe and positive directions. He does that for each of us. He has now known us for 3+ years and can and will call us out on our bullshit, be objective, think outside the box and knows how to listen and how to talk in ways that just work for each of the 4 of us individually. Todd and I handed him our greatest frustrations of the last two weeks and he guided us into a safe space (literally and figuratively) that we can now return to and speak truths in. He told us to return to that safe space and to find our basement emotions where we can connect to each other emotionally before moving up into the details of what we need to work on and through. He taught us that “Emotions have a short shelf life” and to go with the emotion instead of veering off into the abyss and letting the emotion disappear from the room.

He knows and loves our children. He knows the peace and great joy that jackson can bring as well as the bonehead moves he can make. He knows the extreme challenges Tommi presents, but also sees AND experiences the epic love Tommi puts forward. He knows our strengths and our struggles.

This session he spoke to my overwhelming sense of failure, Todd’s practice of self sacrifice leading to grief and Tommi’s frustrating and frequent self sabotage. He reminded us that in moments when these three intense emotions share space that things will get “all fucked up.”

He introduces us to “calm and confident” and the analogy of Tommi as the aggressive, unpredictable out of control dog who needs calm and confidence from his parents to become rational, or even keeled. He likens Tommi’s anxiety to Tommi treading water while the Jaws theme song is playing…thinking or knowing “something’s in the water about to get him” and being terrified of whatever that thing is. He reminds us that when Tommi is mean, that he’s often scared.

He knows our natural tendencies to withdraw or joke in discomfort. He can read a facial expression (and sometimes maybe even read my mind) from 150 miles away on a computer screen!

He challenges us to do the hard work, return to the safe space, push each other out of our comfort zones, respect each other and COMMUNICATE because those are the ways we will find each other again and strengthen our relationship. That relationships are messy, but worth it so that you can walk into the next battle hand in hand and come out on the other side still holding hands.

I thank God for bringing us Brad; I thank Brad for bringing us hope.