So my grand plan of getting Anon (Izzy) back into the school setting last week flopped hard. All summer he had made small comments about how he didn’t want to go to West, how he wanted to go online. And each time Todd and I would say “we’re going back in-person at West.” We had a pretty big “fight” about it several weeks ago, and with moderation from Jackson we all agreed to give West a try for 1 semester and if it doesn’t work, we’d go online. Anon agreed to that…although I now know it was just to appease me.

So last Monday off he went to West. Morning was uneventful. He got in the car easily and rode to school without seeming anxious. He was met at the car door by Mr Stafford and got out and went inside without looking back. I felt great. I worried about him all day, but heard only to ask about where he was to eat lunch, and then where to find the bus. I texted him when he got home and asked how it went and he said “pretty good.” Jackson reported that he arrived home in a good mood.

And then the evening came. Todd went to Scouts, Jackson went to hang out with “the Culvers boys” and I was home with Anon. He went upstairs after a bit and suddenly I was getting angry texts. That he couldn’t go back to West tomorrow, that he hated it so much and that if I made him continue to go to West he’d hurt himself. He couldn’t breathe in the hallways because there are so many people; he couldn’t get to his locker because his classes were downstairs then upstairs then downstairs again – so he was carrying his VERY HEAVY (truth) bag and it just banged into everyone in the halls and made hallways even worse. That he was scared of communicating with his teachers, and he was scared. He wanted to go online. He needed me to listen to him and not make him go back. There was a lot of yelling and a lot of crying from him….and while I thought he may have been manipulating me (I even asked him that), but I was uncomfortable enough with his words, actions, and threats of self-harm that I was pretty sure this was a very real thing that we needed to really listen to.

Jackson talked to him when he got back home, with similar results. And once he cried himself to sleep, I reached out to his Clinical Director, Angela. Angela listened, and advised, and said she thought we needed to listen to him and let him be online, or a hybrid online/in-person program. I had mother’s intuition that she was right… we had to change our course of action.

So here we sit a week later. We have submitted all the information to IN Connections Academy for enrollment. We’ve dis-enrolled from Noblesville Schools. We’ve bought a new desk and a new computer to have a computer that is up to date and fast enough that Anon can use for school. So once enrollment is complete on the school’s end, we will be up and running online. The ability for Anon to start a little later in the day, to have a more flexible schedule, in a quieter and definitely more comfortable/safe space will hopefully make the difference. And even though I anticipate having to be heavily involved in his schooling this year (making sure things are getting done), I hope this will be the answer for this year.

What did I learn through this experience?

I learned that my neurotypical brain has certain expectations for my child, but that my neurodiverse child’s brain needs other things to be successful. That the hormones and changes that my neurodiverse child is experiencing are going to effect him far more significantly than a neurotypical child. That I need to listen to what he is telling me and take that with seriousness and sincerity, not as glib banter. I do not have all of the answers, and it’s not my way or the highway with this child. We need to work together and compromise and I need to continue to learn and speak his language every step of the way.

So here’s to 8th grade…take 2….sometime this week, we hope.