It’s Friday afternoon. Izzy and I took the day off because were bringing Amelia the Aussie home tomorrow. She slept in while I ran some errands. Now we’re sitting together, me reading a book and her reading on her phone. The washer is running, dogs are outside barking now and then, birds are singing…it’s a rare moment of quiet in our lives. I don’t often give myself the gift of setting my switch to the off position and doing nothing. That was the discussion Brad and I had in therapy this week….sending the “I have to get this and that done” and the Mom Guilt part of me into another room and just allowing myself a peaceful moment or 10. It will take some good work with him to actually make this a part of my life…but if my reward is quiet time to myself to decompress or time spent soft talking with Izzy, where I get to hear her inner thoughts, or the things that make her laugh, or make her think, then I’m game for trying.

Why is it that we allow our society to continue the narrative that women, whether they work at home or work outside the home, they must put in a full days work and then continue working the minute they get home until they fall into bed exhausted? Why do we allow that and why do our spouses allow that and why do we continue to pass that way of thinking and living on to our daughters? And our sons for that matter. That’s another part of the mom guilt narrative Brad and I are exploring. I want Izzy and Jackson to finish growing up knowing that home is a place for everyone to pitch in and do their part and it’s also a place for everyone to sometimes put their switch to the off position and take some judgement free down time.

Izzy’s trich won last week and I helped her shave her head at her request. But Izzy won last week too when she took charge of her trich and said “it’s time to shave and start over.” Shes the strongest kid I know. I hope, no matter what her future holds, she continues to grow and fine tune that strength. Some of that strength is naturally within her, some has been instilled in her by her family, friends, doctors and teachers.

8 weeks from today, Izzy will graduate from her ABA center. She has been given the gifts of love, acceptance, strength and resilience from them, no matter what she thinks. She has been led for these months by a strong, confident, independent and amazing Clinical Director who has pushed her and shaped her into the new version of herself. Who has illustrated the way to live a good and strong life, standing up for yourself and doing things your way. And while Izzy doesn’t always like or appreciate Angela, and while it hasn’t always been easy, and while Izzy and I are both so ready to be done with ABA, we will also be forever grateful for the lessons we are learning there. We still have a lot of work to do. A lot of confidence building and strategy fine tuning. And we’re blessed we will have Angela to reach out to when times get rough, because we know they will now and again. I am thankful Izzy is surrounded by strong women who push themselves to be the best version of themselves. I pray she continues to learn to push herself out of her comfort zone, but to also know when to flip that switch to off and enjoy a moment of quiet.