It’s been a crazy two weeks. And I see proof of that in the huge bald spot on the top of Izzys head. She was pulling so fiercely at one point that her scalp was swollen. So fiercely that it was causing me anxiety and I wanted to lash out and grab her hands and tell her she had to stop before I lost my mind! I didn’t do that, btw, but I was oh so close.

We had to put our beautiful Princess down on Sept 8th as she was no longer able to get up or walk. She was 15yrs old and gave us a lifetime of unconditional love and beauty. I was so sad that Jackson wasn’t going to be able to be there, but he called us on FaceTime and was with us for her final 30 minutes. She was his 4th birthday present…his ever faithful friend.

Then Wednesday September 9th my mom called saying dad was in an emergency surgery for a large bleeding ulcer and it was touch and go. He made it through and is now home, after 10 days in the hospital. We are thanking God he is still with us.

And then there’s Griffin the Husky Pup. He’s a handful. And if he weren’t so darn cute I’d kick him to the curb! But instead I’ll keep taking him to the vet to rewrap/bandage his broken foot and sore leg bc despite a cone he can still reach and chew on his bandages. Because husky….

Izzy is having some rough days at ABA. I drop her off and she is sad and doesn’t want me to go. A day like today happens where she won’t get out of the car and they all come out to try and encourage her and today one of the Behaviorists told me to step away because she’s manipulating the situation by trying to talk to me and draw it out. I was fearful they were going to grab her and carry her inside. I literally stood at the back corner of my car and prayed to God to move her feet out of the car and into the center. She stood up and quickly slipped by them to run to me and hug me with all her might. I reminded her that she’s safe and loved there and I did the right thing and walked her to the door of the center. But nearly every cell in my body wanted to jump in the car with her and take her home and just cuddle with her all day in the safety of our house. I hate seeing her like this.

Most mornings at drop off she gives me all the hugs and then asks for one more and then walks in with Sara. Some days she texts me to say she is sad, or she loves me or misses me. Most days when I pick her up, she is smiles and I get a “we had a good day” report. I am thankful for that. But I see too her desire to go back to her “normal” life. To be in school with her peers. To have friends. To have a shorter day and a day where she’s not doing uncomfortable things and working so hard on emotions. She is making progress. But to her I think it seems like she’s in a deep hole just trying to climb to the top.

Last night she and I met with Brad. she hasn’t talked to Brad since July and I know she was excited to see his face. I emailed him early in the day to see if we couldn’t have a “fun” session since things have been so hard lately. He eagerly agreed and had a plan. We used play doh to create something that represented our current life. Izzy made the logo of the ABA center because that’s her life right now. She told him that she hated it. Then she corrected to “well, I like some of it but it’s really hard.” And then she smashed her play doh creation. Mine was a to-do list. We all know they’re my jive and I have them for every aspect of my life. And Brads, glasses. He tried to tell me he’s journeyed to the land of “old” Ha!

And then he had us sculpt something to represent the next chapter of our life. Izzy quickly made a sunshine. It represented her life after ABA. She responded to both tasks so quickly. She didn’t think about it. She never said “idk” she didn’t try to get out of it. She sculpted an ABA center logo and then a sunshine. Speaks volumes to me. ABA is helping her. I know it is. But the hard is hard. And breaks my heart. A friend this evening, who met me in my tears as I arrived at work this morning, told me to pray not only that God will move Izzy feet toward our goal line with ABA, but to also protect my heart (and hers) from the hard. “The best view comes after the hardest climb”

We will do this hard. We will get through it together. And we will reach the peak and find the most beautiful view.