My kids had big weeks this week. Izzy had her first week of ABA and Jackson had his last week at home before leaving for Purdue. I have had a week of the stomach of anxiety and tears.

Izzy had been ready to start her ABA school. Her classmates had started school a week earlier and she was doing her online work, but she was bored and ready for a routine again. We had been waiting on insurance to approve ABA. I called several times with differing responses from the people I talked to. Monday I hit the jackpot and was finally transferred to a case manager who approved the authorization request on the spot. I was so overjoyed I literally told the case manager that I loved her and then I cried. I could probably bet a paycheck that she had never had a reaction like mine. 😂

So Izzy started her ABA journey on Tuesday at noon. Jane met us at the door with reassuring words and hugs. We met Izzys therapist, Sara, and they showed us Izzys room and the center. It’s in the third oldest building in Indianapolis. A very cool building! There’s an old church behind them and it plays church bells regularly throughout the day. It’s in the New Augusta area of Indy. Izzy is one of two kids doing ABA at the center right now. So it’s pretty quiet there. Her room is the size of a bedroom, and when we walked in, the bean bag chair Izzy asked Jane for was sitting in the corner. She was nervous, but brave. And she had a good first day.

Wednesday was a different story. She got up and ready and we had a good drive down, but when we got there she had tears in her eyes and she was so so sad. She was laying under her blanket crying when I left. I cried on my way to work. She texted me several times in the morning and at 10 she asked me to call over lunch. I was able to call, and she cried for the entire 30min call. I have never felt so sad. I got off that phone call and sobbed. I felt guilt and despair. Why did I do this to her? I took her from everything she knows and plopped her down in a ABA center far from home and where she knows no one. But then I got a text 20mins later from Sara saying she was doing better. That they were talking and doing “I am” statements while eating lunch; reminding me that there will be hard days, just like there were hard days at school; just like there were hard days at home. And the sadness lifted….for both of us. She asked to put together her rooms desk-and then told them it was child labor! Lol! The hug I got at pick up that day was amazing. The medicine I think we both needed. There is so much going on in our family right now on top of being in the middle of this pandemic. We need those “all-in” hugs to let each other know it’s gonna be just fine.

Thursday and Friday went really well for her. They have done painting and decorating in her room. They have made rules, done “I am” statements daily, and Izzy is talking to Sara! Talking = trust and comfort! Izzy grew crystals and then made me a pair of earrings out of them! They also started doing Yoga, and Izzy is leading their daily yoga sessions! So cool!! Sara is already amazing with Izzy. And when I said tonight “I really like Sara,” Izzy responded “I really do too, Mom.” I look forward to what this year of ABA will bring. I know we will have rough days, I know it will be a challenge for her. I am glad that Jackson will be at Purdue for those hard days. He’s lived with, and struggled through, a lot of hard days due to Izzys mental health and our (sometimes) lack of patience or knowledge in handling them and it’s time for him not to directly worry about that anymore. But I think we’ll come out on the other side so much better for the hard work and potentially difficult days ahead. I am grateful to God, and Brad, and Jane for this opportunity.

And then there’s Jackson. He is a day away from moving to college. He is ready. He is excited. He’s a smidge anxious. Which is exactly where he should be right now. We spent yesterday shopping and eating together. Yeah, maybe I spent $900 on him yesterday and gave him crap about being expensive, but we had a great day and made some fun memories and I needed that. Thanks to Griffins poopfest in the car, it’s a day neither one of us will forget!

Our lives are about to change in ways we don’t even fully comprehend. I know Jackson will be home in a few months but it won’t be the same. College changes you. For the better I think. You can come back home, but it will never be the same for any of us. The growth in terms of independence and responsibility and really living your own life are so remarkable and Jackson will experience those so quickly. And we will find our path and routines as a family living daily life without one, and that will change us as well. It’s time for Jackson to fly. We have prepared him as best we could, and I can’t wait to see where he soars to! 🇺🇸 VonBlon 2036 🇺🇸