Izzys been at the ABA center now for three weeks. I’ve seen more smiles and received more hugs in these past three weeks than I have in years. She has a lot of work to do, but I have no doubt that they will get her where she needs to be with time and love and guidance. The fact that the center is so small, she has so much individual attention and that Sara is amazing are beyond beneficial for our girl.

She has chores at the center…Izzy is doing chores! Vacuuming her therapy room, cleaning the sink and taking out the trash. Chores! She’s not always happy about them but she does them. They do yoga, meditation and takes walks around the neighborhood. And she does her school work and lots of crafts! She was so angry when we started this journey. She didn’t want to go to a “special school” and she was angry that we made this decision for her not with her. But as I thought she would, she is settling in and making strides.

And my Jackson. He’s starting his third week at Purdue. He has two weeks of band and one week of classes under his belt. He and Brad, his roommate, are getting along well and he’s feasting on chick-fil-a, sushi and Pizza like a college pro. There aren’t a lot of activities around campus to participate in due to Covid and the Protect Purdue plan, so I know there is downtime in which he can get a little bored, but he’s loving it all the same. Classes should pick up pace this week and homework is anticipated. He has a mix of online and in person classes. Band is a fun respite for him. He’s playing the bass trombone bc they needed a few more and he volunteered. He’s borrowing a university instrument. They have special instrument masks with a slit in them and a beautiful block P bell cover to help protect against Covid. We’ve been able to see him play and march the fight song and have several pictures of him in practice thanks to a wonderful Facebook page. Grateful for that.

I Snapchat with him at least once a day. I’ve found that snapping gets a response much faster than texting. Although most of the time it’s a crooked and less than handsome pic of his face or maybe the underside of his bed. Whatever-I enjoy what I get.

We had to run up there last Wednesday to deliver him a new computer. We were with him maybe 30 minutes, and when we were getting ready to leave, Izzy asked him for a hug. And then a second hug. He was baffled with her asking him for the hug. She told him “I’m a hugger now.” 😂

I feel like we’ve landed in this place where things are kind of status quo. For now. And it’s not a bad place to find ourselves. Jackson is happy and safe and following the Protect Purdue rules. Izzy is safe and growing at the ABA center. Todd is frustrated at work most days, but that’s nothing new and he’s trying hard to leave it at work…or on the road between work and home. And I’m so busy at work right now that I don’t seem to have time to miss Jackson or worry about how Izzys day is going. Weekends are a different story. We try to be busy at least one day of the weekend, but in the quiet weekend hours I find myself really missing my boy. So I’ve gotten my puzzle table back out and have found a good book series to occupy my time. I have a good friend who challenged me to do something with my time that I’ve always wanted to do but have never had time to do before. I keep thinking of what I want that to be but haven’t landed on anything yet.

I can’t believe it’s already September. Before I know it Jackson will be 19 and Izzy 13. We’ll be celebrating Halloween, thanksgiving and Christmas and then we can leave 2020 behind us and look forward to a fresh and hopefully more stable and event-filled 2021. My mom always told me to not wish my life away… but I think most of us, including my mom, are ready for our next chapter/year. 😉

Jackson has been at Purdue for 24 hours at this point. We took today as a vacation day, but made Izzy go to ABA. So we had breakfast together, had a session with Brad together and ran some errands together. There were tears at ABA drop off, at breakfast and with Brad. I told Brad that I feel heavy and exhausted. I’ve been amping up for this time for months (18years really) and while I’m so incredibly excited and happy he’s at Purdue, I will miss him daily.

We actually got to FaceTime with him today because he has nothing much to do until Wednesday when Band Camp starts and I think he was tired of answering my text questions! Lol! He has been hanging out with his HS friends, has eaten at a dining hall (thanks to Jack G) and at the Triple X, has walked a lot and is going to his dorm’s social hour tonight. He was relaxed and smiling today.

Izzy is doing better this evening than she was last evening. She was sad and crying last night. She was sad and crying this morning. She’s happy and silly tonight. Thank goodness! She did ask to FaceTime him when she got home, and he graciously agreed.

I had her IEP revision meeting today with NWMS. They are being very flexible with us. Everything I requested, they granted. She is falling behind in online learning, we didn’t do anything Friday and we obviously didn’t catch up on anything this weekend. not worried. They’re getting us set up so we can get on the centers WiFi and we’ll be set up for online work at ABA!

As we redefine our family life with one of us living his best life 1.25 hours north of us, bear with us. We will find our new normal…..probably about late November when he comes home for the holidays

My kids had big weeks this week. Izzy had her first week of ABA and Jackson had his last week at home before leaving for Purdue. I have had a week of the stomach of anxiety and tears.

Izzy had been ready to start her ABA school. Her classmates had started school a week earlier and she was doing her online work, but she was bored and ready for a routine again. We had been waiting on insurance to approve ABA. I called several times with differing responses from the people I talked to. Monday I hit the jackpot and was finally transferred to a case manager who approved the authorization request on the spot. I was so overjoyed I literally told the case manager that I loved her and then I cried. I could probably bet a paycheck that she had never had a reaction like mine. 😂

So Izzy started her ABA journey on Tuesday at noon. Jane met us at the door with reassuring words and hugs. We met Izzys therapist, Sara, and they showed us Izzys room and the center. It’s in the third oldest building in Indianapolis. A very cool building! There’s an old church behind them and it plays church bells regularly throughout the day. It’s in the New Augusta area of Indy. Izzy is one of two kids doing ABA at the center right now. So it’s pretty quiet there. Her room is the size of a bedroom, and when we walked in, the bean bag chair Izzy asked Jane for was sitting in the corner. She was nervous, but brave. And she had a good first day.

Wednesday was a different story. She got up and ready and we had a good drive down, but when we got there she had tears in her eyes and she was so so sad. She was laying under her blanket crying when I left. I cried on my way to work. She texted me several times in the morning and at 10 she asked me to call over lunch. I was able to call, and she cried for the entire 30min call. I have never felt so sad. I got off that phone call and sobbed. I felt guilt and despair. Why did I do this to her? I took her from everything she knows and plopped her down in a ABA center far from home and where she knows no one. But then I got a text 20mins later from Sara saying she was doing better. That they were talking and doing “I am” statements while eating lunch; reminding me that there will be hard days, just like there were hard days at school; just like there were hard days at home. And the sadness lifted….for both of us. She asked to put together her rooms desk-and then told them it was child labor! Lol! The hug I got at pick up that day was amazing. The medicine I think we both needed. There is so much going on in our family right now on top of being in the middle of this pandemic. We need those “all-in” hugs to let each other know it’s gonna be just fine.

Thursday and Friday went really well for her. They have done painting and decorating in her room. They have made rules, done “I am” statements daily, and Izzy is talking to Sara! Talking = trust and comfort! Izzy grew crystals and then made me a pair of earrings out of them! They also started doing Yoga, and Izzy is leading their daily yoga sessions! So cool!! Sara is already amazing with Izzy. And when I said tonight “I really like Sara,” Izzy responded “I really do too, Mom.” I look forward to what this year of ABA will bring. I know we will have rough days, I know it will be a challenge for her. I am glad that Jackson will be at Purdue for those hard days. He’s lived with, and struggled through, a lot of hard days due to Izzys mental health and our (sometimes) lack of patience or knowledge in handling them and it’s time for him not to directly worry about that anymore. But I think we’ll come out on the other side so much better for the hard work and potentially difficult days ahead. I am grateful to God, and Brad, and Jane for this opportunity.

And then there’s Jackson. He is a day away from moving to college. He is ready. He is excited. He’s a smidge anxious. Which is exactly where he should be right now. We spent yesterday shopping and eating together. Yeah, maybe I spent $900 on him yesterday and gave him crap about being expensive, but we had a great day and made some fun memories and I needed that. Thanks to Griffins poopfest in the car, it’s a day neither one of us will forget!

Our lives are about to change in ways we don’t even fully comprehend. I know Jackson will be home in a few months but it won’t be the same. College changes you. For the better I think. You can come back home, but it will never be the same for any of us. The growth in terms of independence and responsibility and really living your own life are so remarkable and Jackson will experience those so quickly. And we will find our path and routines as a family living daily life without one, and that will change us as well. It’s time for Jackson to fly. We have prepared him as best we could, and I can’t wait to see where he soars to! 🇺🇸 VonBlon 2036 🇺🇸