I have had a stomach of anxiety now for a good 2 weeks. Sometimes it’s literally a upset stomach, somedays it’s an overall feeling of unease or unrest, somenights it’s laying in bed after letting Griffin out to potty at 1:30am running through lists in my head. But every day it’s anxiety of some sort.

We’ve merged onto a new road, seemingly an interstate. For the first time in my life as a parent, I am not in control of one of my kids’ next chapter. I think, other than just plain missing seeing his face on the daily, this will be the hardest thing for me to accept in terms of college. Jackson has the access, the correspondence, the responsibility to get everything done before his feet hit Purdue’s campus 8/15/2020. Uhh, wait – I’m not sure he’s responsible enough to do any of that! It’s such an unknown feeling for me, and I don’t think I’m handling it well! I need access, I need usernames and passwords, I need control!!! LOL

I really want to be the cool mom who just trusts that it will all get done, but that’s not in my wiring! I know that this really big, really special, really life changing event is hurtling my way and I want to do something to prepare! I sent his grad party invites out 5 weeks in advance because I needed to check something off my list! I have a list in my phone of things I want to have “on display” for his party. I have things for his dorm room waiting in my Amazon cart for the day I can hit “checkout.” I have lists in my head of things he should, and things he shouldn’t, take with him. I can’t wait until I can get rid of some of these lists! Yet at the same time I don’t want to check off my lists because I think this may be the last time I get to make some of these lists. We have raised such an independent, resourceful and smart young man, that he is standing on the edge of our nest about to jump out. How do those mama eagles let their eaglets just fly?

We have another new road ahead of us…we stand at the fork in the road and are going to be making a decision of which way to turn by August 1. Izzy has been accepted for a transfer to Hamilton Heights. She was completely against it when we first got the acceptance. But with this covid world we now live in, and the changes it may bring to a large school like Noblesville, we’ve put Heights back on the table. I need a school that will be in the classroom for Izzy, and it seems that’s more possible at Heights than Noblesville. We know nothing concrete at this time, but we have to make the decision that will make the most sense for Izzy and her strengths and weaknesses. She agreed to a tour, and so the principal of HHMS should be contacting us to get that done before too much longer. And I asked to be able to talk to the middle school TOR, as she would be on the frontlines of Izzy’s success or failure should we change schools. I am grateful for the opportunity to look at two programs and decide what will work best for our girl.

So for the foreseeable future, if you’re up at 1:30am, text me…I’m most certainly making a list, or checking it twice