“Our” blog has become more than just our trich journey….although I think Izzys entire life journey can be described by “Its Trichy in here” because she’s so layered-funny, mean, quirky, quiet, anxious, loving, defiant, smart. I ask her weekly if she wants to write, she usually says “no, but tell them this…” I forgot to put bossy on that list! Tonight she said “tell them about the sandwiches we built with Brad! I was on fire with mine!”

Iz seemed off yesterday. She was talking/working with Brad, but she was struggling with most of their conversation. And I had complained to him last week about Izzys anger with our new structured homework strategy, but I just wasn’t in the mindset to talk that out last night, I didn’t want to deal with her anger. So Brad switched gears. And had us do a sandwich intervention.

One compliment, one complaint, one compliment.

It sounds easy. It’s not. And when you do it with an unfocused, squirrely, autistic, adhd kid who’s medicine is on hour 10, brace yourself for what you’re about to get! She wasn’t sure she could come up with compliments to give me, I think the best one she gave me was “I like the way your heart beats” (to which Todd later said at least it wasn’t a complaint!). Try this exercise sometime with a friend or family member. Sit facing each other and give one compliment, one complaint and one compliment. It opens your eyes to how easy it is to complain, but hard to truly compliment

When we got home last night, Izzy retreated into her space and I made her dinner. I played a little roblox with her, to show her I’m interested in the things she likes…and she complained the whole time about how much I suck at roblox. And then we had to do homework. She was mean and angry and defiant when I told her to put her phone away for homework. She complained that it was a day off and she shouldn’t have to do homework. Sorry kid. I stuck to my guns and we got it done. Then she whined and complained because she had to take a shower (“I don’t smell, Mom!”… “Are you sure about that Iz?”)

When bedtime finally rolled around, I felt exhausted and beat up. Even though we laughed a lot at therapy tonight, even though in the moment I wasn’t offended by her ridiculous surface compliments and her (in my mind) silly complaints, I felt like I’d been through battle by the time we were settling into our bedtime routine. I wanted to tell her how annoyed I was. I wanted to complain. And then, as I was packing her school bag and clearing out all of the clutter, I found this gem… a school paper from Friday where apparently they were to make some drawings. And the only thing she had completed was the “your choice” square where she’s drawn a big red heart and wrote i ❤️ mom. And just like that I felt 110% better. My tough middle school “edgy” girl had drawn this in class. I sat down next to her nearly sleeping body and whispered in her ear “in the good and the bad, I love you more than ice cream and gummy bears, and I believe God made you for me and that you are the most beautiful, smart and brave person I’ve ever met.”

No complaint. Just a whole bunch of from my heart compliments. Thanks for the sandwich intervention, Brad.❣️