It’s been 15 months since Izzy started pulling head hair. She has shaved her head twice, has about a dozen wigs and more hats and headbands than I care to count. It’s become our norm. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me when I find a heap of hairs in my bathroom sink. It makes me sad and makes me mourn all that beautiful curly blonde hair. I will often stand there for just a few seconds and wonder what her blonde curly locks would actually look like if they were allowed to grow back. It seems, from her current regrowth, that it would be dark. But would it be the same curls, would it be coarser, would it ever be allowed to get to the length it once was. And then I remind myself what I’ve told Izzy countless times, your hair does not define you and being safe and happy and loving yourself is all that matters.

I see some positive changes in Izzy of late. Not on the hair front, but in getting herself ready for school, in personal hygiene, in learning how to try and communicate with her words when she’s upset. Yesterday she was upset searching for something she couldn’t find at school and she asked for help. She asked her teacher for help with her words! Baby steps!

She has a major change coming up in her life. Her amazing therapist, Brad, is relocating. The news came to us all as a gut punch, and big alligator tears accompanied her finding out. Izzy rarely cries. So the tears at Brads news we’re overwhelming for all of us. He’s opening his own practice and will offer virtual counseling…so we’re gonna give that a try and see how it goes. I don’t know, but it might allow her a chance to be more open with him and to talk through some of the hard stuff with more ease. I absolutely believe that God led us to Brad, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her relationship with him available for as long as she needs him. We talked that Columbus OH isn’t that far away, and maybe once a quarter we could travel to him for a session.

I got to see most of her important North Elementary peeps this week and hug them and tell them “yeah, she’s doing really well in MS” and “yes, she’s still pulling but she rocks those wigs and has complete confidence in having new hair everyday despite the judgement and meanness that can come in MS” and my favorite thing to tell them was “she’s made three fantastic friends who motivate her to go to school daily and who seem to comfort and support her and who GET her like no friends she’s ever had!” It was such a treat to see them all and know that their love for my girl stretches beyond the years she was there in their classrooms. Blessed by the best.

One last thought. We got a scholarship to attend the BFRB conference in April! So we’ll be spending 4 days of our spring break with kids and adults like Izzy! People who pull hair and skin pick like she does! I can’t wait to take her! I know it won’t give us a solution, but it will give her a hotel full of people who get it.