I wish you knew how amazing you are. You are my hero because you overcome obstacles daily. Even when you are convinced you cannot

I wish you saw how beautiful you are. You’re right, you have no hair…but the hair on your head does not define your beauty and if anyone tells you it does, they are not your friend and they are superficial and they are just plain wrong.

I wish you believed me when I tell you that you inspire others. You do! With your knack for always telling the truth. When you overcome and rise above. When you run through the fire because you have no other choice. You inspire others.

I wish you saw more than mental illness when you look at yourself in the mirror. There is so much more to you. Layers and layers of amazing creativity, passion and artistry.

I wish you believed me that every girl is scared to get boobs but that someday you will grow to love them because they represent the fact that you lived through puberty!

I wish you knew that having “fat rolls” when you scrunch up your tummy and thighs that “jiggle” when you run and dance does not mean that you’re fat or lesser as a human being. Even the skinniest of humans can give themselves a fat roll if they really try.

I wish you knew that you are one of the smartest 12 yr olds I know. You don’t always apply your knowledge in school, but you show us all daily how smart you truly are. And being smart is cool.

I wish you knew that people are not usually mad at you. And when they give you options to help solve your problems, they are simply trying to help because they care for you.

I wish you knew that God truly and deeply loves you. That you are a child of God and He will always be there for you. Believing in things you cannot see if difficult for you, my black and white girl, but it’s ok to to try. God understands. He made you the way you are!

I wish you knew that your village of people on Team Izzy expands far beyond your comprehension. And even people whom you have never met love you and root for you.

I wish you knew that your courage is just plain amazeballs. You got up in front of 30+ 5th graders and explained to them about your trich. You get on a stage ALL BY YOURSELF and dance! You enter a show ring with a 300lb llama and you get that llama to perform! You went to a new school this year where you knew like 10people-and you were a rock star! And I wish you knew that I’m not the only one who knows you are insanely courageous!

Yes, you have hard days. Yes, you can yell and scream at us or grunt and flip us off. Yes you are stubborn and yes you will make an assumption or jump to a conclusion and it takes an act of God to change your mind…. but you also have such a fierce loyalty, an infectious laugh, a smile that can light a room and love for those in your circle that is strong and complete.

I wish you knew that you are loved beyond measure. By your keeper family, your birth family, your teachers, your church, your friends. Our love for you is unconditional and you belong in our family. You. Belong.

It’s been 15 months since Izzy started pulling head hair. She has shaved her head twice, has about a dozen wigs and more hats and headbands than I care to count. It’s become our norm. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me when I find a heap of hairs in my bathroom sink. It makes me sad and makes me mourn all that beautiful curly blonde hair. I will often stand there for just a few seconds and wonder what her blonde curly locks would actually look like if they were allowed to grow back. It seems, from her current regrowth, that it would be dark. But would it be the same curls, would it be coarser, would it ever be allowed to get to the length it once was. And then I remind myself what I’ve told Izzy countless times, your hair does not define you and being safe and happy and loving yourself is all that matters.

I see some positive changes in Izzy of late. Not on the hair front, but in getting herself ready for school, in personal hygiene, in learning how to try and communicate with her words when she’s upset. Yesterday she was upset searching for something she couldn’t find at school and she asked for help. She asked her teacher for help with her words! Baby steps!

She has a major change coming up in her life. Her amazing therapist, Brad, is relocating. The news came to us all as a gut punch, and big alligator tears accompanied her finding out. Izzy rarely cries. So the tears at Brads news we’re overwhelming for all of us. He’s opening his own practice and will offer virtual counseling…so we’re gonna give that a try and see how it goes. I don’t know, but it might allow her a chance to be more open with him and to talk through some of the hard stuff with more ease. I absolutely believe that God led us to Brad, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her relationship with him available for as long as she needs him. We talked that Columbus OH isn’t that far away, and maybe once a quarter we could travel to him for a session.

I got to see most of her important North Elementary peeps this week and hug them and tell them “yeah, she’s doing really well in MS” and “yes, she’s still pulling but she rocks those wigs and has complete confidence in having new hair everyday despite the judgement and meanness that can come in MS” and my favorite thing to tell them was “she’s made three fantastic friends who motivate her to go to school daily and who seem to comfort and support her and who GET her like no friends she’s ever had!” It was such a treat to see them all and know that their love for my girl stretches beyond the years she was there in their classrooms. Blessed by the best.

One last thought. We got a scholarship to attend the BFRB conference in April! So we’ll be spending 4 days of our spring break with kids and adults like Izzy! People who pull hair and skin pick like she does! I can’t wait to take her! I know it won’t give us a solution, but it will give her a hotel full of people who get it.

It’s been 15 months since Izzy started pulling head hair. She has shaved her head twice, has about a dozen wigs and more hats and headbands than I care to count. It’s become our norm. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bother me when I find a heap of hairs in my bathroom sink. It makes me sad and makes me mourn all that beautiful curly blonde hair. I will often stand there for just a few seconds and wonder what her blonde curly locks would actually look like if they were allowed to grow back. It seems, from her current regrowth, that it would be dark. But would it be the same curls, would it be coarser, would it ever be allowed to get to the length it once was. And then I remind myself what I’ve told Izzy countless times, your hair does not define you and being safe and happy and loving yourself is all that matters.

I see some positive changes in Izzy of late. Not on the hair front, but in getting herself ready for school, in personal hygiene, in learning how to try and communicate with her words when she’s upset. Yesterday she was upset searching for something she couldn’t find at school and she asked for help. She asked her teacher for help with her words! Baby steps!

She has a major change coming up in her life. Her amazing therapist, Brad, is relocating. The news came to us all as a gut punch, and big alligator tears accompanied her finding out. Izzy rarely cries. So the tears at Brads news we’re overwhelming for all of us. He’s opening his own practice and will offer virtual counseling…so we’re gonna give that a try and see how it goes. I don’t know, but it might allow her a chance to be more open with him and to talk through some of the hard stuff with more ease. I absolutely believe that God led us to Brad, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her relationship with him available for as long as she needs him. We talked that Columbus OH isn’t that far away, and maybe once a quarter we could travel to him for a session.

I got to see most of her important North Elementary peeps this week and hug them and tell them “yeah, she’s doing really well in MS” and “yes, she’s still pulling but she rocks those wigs and has complete confidence in having new hair everyday despite the judgement and meanness that can come in MS” and my favorite thing to tell them was “she’s made three fantastic friends who motivate her to go to school daily and who seem to comfort and support her and who GET her like no friends she’s ever had!” It was such a treat to see them all and know that their love for my girl stretches beyond the years she was there in their classrooms. Blessed by the best.

One last thought. We got a scholarship to attend the BFRB conference in April! So we’ll be spending 4 days of our spring break with kids and adults like Izzy! People who pull hair and skin pick like she does! I can’t wait to take her! I know it won’t give us a solution, but it will give her a hotel full of people who get it.