We made it through Christmas. It’s always a hard day for my girl. It’s overwhelming, over stimulating and overly emotional. It’s wanting so many things and being excited to get some, upset to not get others. It’s counting presents to make sure Jackson doesn’t get more than she does. It’s running around like a party girl one minute and curling in a ball the next. And it’s staying up late, even though she took her sleep meds, and sleeping in late the next day to recover. But we made it through. And funny enough, I saw no hair pulling!

We did have a Christmas snafu…I didn’t think Izzy still believed in Santa so I planned a Santa free Christmas. I guess she actually did…or really wanted to still. I got a little nervous when she mentioned the reindeer food and then sat out cookies and milk. Santa has always left his gifts unwrapped under our tree. This year, all the presents were wrapped and Izzy was so upset that Santa forgot us. Crap. She wouldn’t let me say the words, so I simply said “once we reach a certain age, mom and dad take over the gift giving for Santa.” She was so angry. All day. At me….not her dad, just me. I’m used to her anger, but it set us up for a day full of snark and impatience and glares. I tried my best, but I was definitely in the doghouse all day. Oh well, someday we’ll laugh about it (maybe). Rosebud made a Christmas snafu today…she snacked on the foot of Izzys new doll. Oops 😬 🐶

Even though Christmas Day itself is hard, these Christmas Break days are treasured. There’s no homework, no school-induced stress. There’s game playing, movie watching, puzzle making, animal snuggling, wine drinking (haha!) and very little pulling. Here’s to another 11 days of break 🥂

Izzy decided to shave her head again last night. She was afraid she would disappoint the people who say to her “wow! Look at all your hair coming in!” But I assured her that the only person who matters is herself. Her wigs weren’t fitting well, her regrowth was wirey and frizzy because of the friction of the wig on her hair and uneven because her pulling has been significant. So she starts again from scratch. It wasn’t nearly as emotional this time…we even laughed and joked while Todd did it for her. I’m proud of her taking the initiative and deciding she needed to do this. And maybe it will help lessen the trich again since she has nothing to pull. She even thought she’d show her close friends at school her baldness, which is a definite act of confidence and bravery. Once again this kid teaches me a lesson and shows why she is my hero.

I’ve tried to write this post about 52 times. Every time I start, Izzy calls my name. And I’ve been so busy at work that I can’t even write it there. Haha

Izzy has definitely entered the land of puberty. God help us. She’s growing/changing in the ways girls do. She gives me the annoyed teenager look like a pro and rolls her eyes so hard and so often I’m waiting for them to roll right out of her head. She’s moody, she doesn’t want my help with chores and homework, but can’t get them done without me. She s doing well in school yet she struggles daily. She shuts down at the slightest raise of my voice, but she yells constantly. She isn’t able to use her voice/words to communicate with me or her teachers when she’s upset, but we’re finding that her emoji cards can help break through the communication barrier and she made herself a recovery kit for her to use when she’s upset and luckily West is more than willing to use this with her. Puberty is hard for a neurotypical child. Puberty with an autistic, adhd child with anxiety and depression is like walking a tightrope across an alligator infested river.

But her pulling. It’s fast and furious. More so than in our last post. She’s started using tweezers and nail clippers again to pull. She sat after her band concert and pulled while waiting for the second band to finish. We’ve resigned ourselves to the pulling. It’s not going away. I don’t get the panicky, please stop angst that I did a year ago, And that’s a blessing because that made everything worse. Although we do have times of calm, where hair starts to regrow, those times are few and far between. But currently she has eye lashes AND eye brows! She should get her next Hair Club wig this month. It’s going to be pink. And she can’t wait. There’s always a bright spot if you look for it