I got a call from school yesterday (I’ve actually gotten a call or email more days than not of late) with the golden question “Mrs. VonBlon… Izzy has been pulling her hair a lot here recently at school. What should we do?”

Well, what have you tried and how have you reacted to her?

I’ve been asked this same question by 4 amazing classroom teachers and countless other teachers and counselors in the last four years of school. First for skin picking. Then for hair pulling. We’ve tried secret gestures, a hand on her shoulder, saying her name, telling her to stop, moving her closer, fidgets, hats, essential oils, you name it…we’ve tried it. And none of it has stopped her…Because it’s soothing to her in anxious or depressive times. Because that stim she gets from it is may be the high she needs to get herself through your class. Because she doesn’t even know she’s doing it. Because it’s who she is and what she does. And while I’d much rather her use her tools to find a replacement for the hair pulling, I cannot make her do that and neither can you.

So I don’t know what you should do. But I know what I want you to do…

Love her. Smile at her. Tell her she’s amazing to battle this battle every day. Tell her she’s beautiful. Tell her it’s ok to get distracted because we all do. Tell her she’s a rockstar and she’s got this. Tell her not to worry about the classmates who might be staring at her, wondering what on earth she’s doing. Tell her she’s smart. Tell her you’re on her team. Tel her you pray for her. Build her up…it’s what we all should do for each other.