I leaned over to pick something up this morning and when I rose up, apparently with the force of a herd of elephants, I cracked my head on the corner of our mule chest, causing an inch long “gash” on my scalp. I remember dropping to the floor thinking I might pass out and reaching up to see what I did and pulling my hand away to see it covered in blood. I didn’t scream and I didn’t cry…I didn’t even curse! But I did bleed. And bleed and bleed. And I also scared Izzy more than she’s maybe ever been scared.

I realized a little too late that this was a situation that her Autistic and Anxiety ridden brain couldn’t handle. She literally panicked, but also kept her head enough to think maybe she should call 911. I talked her out of that, opting to call my Dad and Mom instead. And I realized, as my scalp was bleeding more than I’ve ever experienced, that I had to keep my cool because my girl wasn’t able to keep hers. How would I have felt at 11 if my mom was bleeding from the head and I was the only other person home at the time. I would have panicked and I don’t have any of the issues Izzy has! I told her I was going to go downstairs to call my boss, and wait on nana and papa. She screamed at me to just “go to the damn hospital!” I tried to keep our morning rolling by making her some breakfast and calling her to come downstairs to which she screamed “maybe I would if you’d go to the damn hospital!”

After my head was taken care of, and my mom and dad headed back home, I went up to show Izzy that I was fine and to see about getting her to school. All she could say was that I gave her PTSD and she was so mad at me for hurting myself. I was taken aback and a little annoyed at her blaming me for getting hurt. And then I realized, her seeing me, her person, hurt and bleeding from the head had to be terrifying. I know it was terrifying because when I got home from work tonight, she was still scared and my sink had lots of tiny little peach fuzz hairs in it. My accident made her so upset she pulled, and pulled hard, because she didn’t know how else to handle it. Breaks my heart. But ya know what makes me proud? She pulled herself together and made herself go to school…because she’s the bravest little girl I know.