It’s Mother’s Day. My husband told me Happy Mother’s Day first words out of his mouth today. I woke up to several texts from friends wishing me a happy day. Jackson said it after a couple hours of us being up. Izzy hasn’t said it. I don’t even think she knows today is Mother’s Day. She made me an amazing craft in her classroom at school and couldn’t wait to give it to me, so she presented me with it on Friday. I love it. I truly do. But I wanted her to say the words to me today. That sounds rotten and selfish. I know it does. But her knowing nothing of the date, having no concept of anything outside of her phone and her tiny little safety bubble really made me sad today. I often feel like I’m failing her and not meeting her needs and three little words, “happy Mother’s Day” would make me smile. And then this evening she sent me a little 5 second video she made. A video of a little goth-looking girl with a speech bubble that said “Mom…..I don’t like you…..” and then the little goth girl turns into a little girl with wide open arms and a huge smile and red hearts all over yelling “I LOVE YOU!” That was my Happy Mother’s Day wish from Izzy. And that made me smile.

The week we just finished was a busy one. Not a rough one necessarily, but a draining week. Izzy and I had her OT Eval, and they “diagnosed” her with Sensory Processing Disorder and recommended OT once a week. I knew that was coming, I expected that. And Friday I had her IEP Case Conference. An IEP conference is a hard thing to sit through as a parent. There were 6 amazing professionals and me around that table. And they all talked about my girl and what she struggles with and what she needs. It’s a barrel of mixed emotions as a mom. Here are these wonderful educators talking about my girl–first the positives, then everything my girl can’t do, then everyone’s goals for her. I kept thinking we should have done this for her earlier, but we didn’t and she has thrived despite that because she had a 504 and she had people who worked their asses off to make sure she succeeded. She thrived because she was in the safe arms of these fabulous women and men of North Elem. I sat there and listened and wondered how we will do this in three short weeks. How we will make this huge transition to middle school and to people who don’t know my girl, who don’t love her or accept her. I guess we do it by putting our fears and faith in God and going at it one day at a time… just like we did when she arrived at North Elem and Mrs. Krent swept her under her wing and lead her away. Someone will be there to take her under their wing and lead her forward to her next phase of life.

I have felt really down since Izzys autism diagnosis. She has a list of diagnoses as long as she is tall. The diagnoses along with her leaving North and Jackson entering his Senior year really gave me down. I don’t worry about Jackson. He’ll no doubt have an amazing senior year. But I do worry about Izzy. Preteen and teen years are tough enough without all this that she has to deal with in addition to the hormones and drama of the middle school years. But I have to remind myself that for every challenge she has, she has tenfold that in strength. She is the strongest kid I’ve ever met. God will take care of her through me as her mama bear and through the village she leaves behind and the one she’s about to meet.

This Mother’s Day, I thank God for my babies. I wouldn’t give either of them up for the world. I am a better person because of them…whether they say the words “Happy Mother’s Day” or not.